New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
