so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
