tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm at about main and main street
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
