What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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