If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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