I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
