How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
