I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
