Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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