So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All the doctor said was why
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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