Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
