So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
