she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
