Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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