you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
