my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
