every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize