Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
