My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
