Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
