Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to have your abortion
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
