I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
