Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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