I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
