what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
