At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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