Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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