I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
