Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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