come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
