i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
