I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
