I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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