My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
