i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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