drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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