i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
