My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
