I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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