So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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