we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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