One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
