lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
