well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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