I am spending my child support on dildos
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
