capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize