I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
there is another microwave in the elevator.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
