there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
