Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
