I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
