Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
