So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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