Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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