That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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