Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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