Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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