i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
