Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
