Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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