someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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