i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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