Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
