I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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