Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Be still, my beating vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
