you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
