i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm too high and old for this...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
