Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
