The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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