just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
