I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
