Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
