I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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