were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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