You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
