I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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