3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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