Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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