if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
