advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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