Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
