Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
