I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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