Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
